My beautiful girl,
You are nearly 22 months old and tonight for whatever reason all was not right with your world when you lay down to sleep. Tonight you did not want to lie peacefully in your little bed and watch your stars dance on the ceiling as you so often do. My lullaby did not soothe as it normally does. Tonight, instead of the way your little hand usually rests in mine as you drift off to sleep, you clung so tightly I thought I would burst and was afraid for you and the wild look in your eyes. You sat up and held my face in your hands searching for my eyes in the dark, mama, mama, mama you said as you held on so tight, pressing your little face close to mine.
So tonight you fell asleep in my arms with your head on my chest and I was glad tonight wasn’t bath night, because you smelt of you and not of shampoo. As I stroked your soft head and felt you surrender and find the peace to sleep, I whispered these promises to you which I vow to keep:
My daughter, whenever you need me at night I promise to hold you until it all feels alright and nothing will ever be more important than sending you to sleep feeling peaceful and safe.
Whether you are 5 or 35 there will always room for you under the ‘snuggle’ with me.
I promise to see you, and accept you, for who you are and not who I might want you to be. I know that this promise may get harder to keep as we grow older together, but I will keep it all the same.
I promise to be strong enough to hold anchor for you when the storms hit and you are lost at sea. Even if being lost means that you take it out on me.
I will always keep your secrets.
When the challenging times come for us as they inevitably will and you rage at me as you may well do, I will remember that it is your job to push me away sometimes. I won’t hold it against you.
I will always tell you the truth.
I promise that while I am living, you will never need to feel alone.
I promise to remember who you really are and remind you when you forget because every woman needs to be reminded of just how beautiful and precious and worthwhile she is sometimes.
my love always, your Mama